Wednesday, February 15, 2012

I Resolve...Parenting is Hard!

Parenting is hard.  Let me say it again:  PARENTING IS HARD!

I am weary today. I so long to reach a place where the incline isn't so steep, the rocks so rough, the wind so strong. I have walked this precarious precipice for days, weeks even. I long for a place of rest, a shallow refuge hollowed out in the wall of this mountain I am traversing. My body does not falter at the journey ahead as much as my mind and spirit do.

These are the times when I long for home
These are the times I turn on the music and sing my prayers to my wise King.
These are the times I abandon everything else and lay prostrate at His feet.
These are the times I run to Him for His touch.

Then, it is at the time that I am renewed, refreshed, reminded that He has me...always.


I am reading Resolution for Women, the book written as a companion to the movie Courageous. I'm devouring it, disciplining myself to consume one section at a time so as to allow the precept to take root in me. I want to grow into the woman God created me to be; I want to be worthy of the life He has blessed me with. I do not want to live my todays so desperately looking for better tomorrows that I forget to LIVE today. I want to be present in the NOW.

That being said, I am so grateful that God put the book in my life.  I needed it last night.  I need it remind me that LOVE is tough but so worth it.  To remind me that THIS is the journey...difficult or not.  THIS is the place God put me on do His good work in my household, in my workplace, in my friendships. 

(And while I am eagerly looking forward to the day that teenage angst is over and done with, I also dread that very day.)

Sunday, February 5, 2012

More than "Good Enough"

     I cried through the entire movie Courageous

     It was a tear-jerker for sure, but my tears were pouring from a wounded heart.  I am running out of time--important time.  My son is on the brink of adulthood and my days of influence are dwindling.   My heart's desire is to be the best mother I can be.  However, my fifteen year performance has been less than stellar.  I forget to make sure my child eats something green (or quasi-healthy) everyday.  I forget to wash an important article of clothing needed NOW.  I mess up.  I give up.  I lose sight of where I am headed.  I lose my way.  I find myself measuring my worth and my performance by the world's standards, and I come up short!  Only God knows how short I come to His standards.  I want a do-over!

     So when I saw the hearts of those fathers in Courageous, I felt a quickening in my spirit.  I want to be more than a "good enough" mother.  I want to be the mother that God created me to be.  This is my journey to become that woman, that wife, that mother and nothing less.  I resolve to let God move in me to make me the person He planned all along.  I only have so long on this earth; I want to get it right. 

     After all, there are no do-overs.  There's only today.

     Father, my heart aches for the time I've wasted, the opportunities I've lost.  My child is more than half grown and I have not been the mother You've created me to be.  I cannot "do-over" the yesterdays, but I resolve to make all of my todays count.  Today I will live in the moments--ALL the moments--and I will seek to be the mother You want me to be every step of the way.  I can only do this through Your strength, Your grace, and Your mercy.  Help me to be more than "good enough".  Help me to fulfill the calling You placed upon my life.